1.2.1.14 Growth happens by choice, not by chance

A little girl was walking down a boardwalk. She was a beautiful little girl. She was wearing a white dress and pink shoes, and pink ribbons flowed from her hair. The little girl was eating a huge ball of cotton candy. A gentleman bent down and knelt beside the little girl and said, “Sweetheart, how can such a little girl like you eat such a big ball of candy?”

She looked straight back at the man and said, “Sir, I’m a lot bigger on the inside!” The question is: How big are you on the inside? And are you growing? You see, there is always room to grow. One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor. For example, many would agree that world motorcycle racing champion Valentino Rossi is a prosperous person. But when you compare him to businessman Donald Trump, there is a big difference. Then compare him to Bill Gates, and there you see another big difference. In other words, one man’s limits are just another man’s foundation.

There’s always room to grow. You have got to understand that to grow you have to break through ceilings. The same level of thinking that got you to where you are now won’t get you to where you need to go.

Many people try to achieve success by making cosmetic changes. But the reality is that only inner improvements will lead to outer improvements. Only with real changes to our mindsets and attitudes will real results be seen. At the end of the last chapter ‘Focus on yourself’ was at the top of the list of things we need to focus on. What do I mean by this? Well, you need to focus on your own personal growth and development. This will help you to prepare for maximum effectiveness. Abraham Lincoln once said, “If it takes eight hours to cut down a tree, I’d spend seven hours sharpening the axe.” You see, you need to sharpen your mind first in order to see effective success in business, career and relationships.

You need to pay attention to your growth. For instance, make sure there’s always something in your tank. If you’re running on empty, you’ll find yourself siphoning up trash from the bottom of your tank. But if you’re full, you always be able to give something back. In order to give something away, you first need to have a surplus. This applies to a whole range of things, whether it is money or something less tangible, such as experience. For example, how can I teach other people about how to become successful and prosperous if I don’t have a wealth of personal experience in these areas? Someone might say to me, “I want to be a motivational speaker like you.” My reply would be, “Well, what have you achieved to provide a background of experience from which you can impart to others?”

Without struggle, we don’t gain strength. Without pain, we don’t progress.

To have anything to give, there has to be something of value within us. Regardless of religious beliefs, I’m sure everyone would have to agree that one of the most powerful speakers on the planet is Dr Billy Graham. He is an amazing communicator. He has been able to gather enormous crowds and hold people’s attention with his authority. When Dr Graham speaks, people listen. Some new upstart preacher could get up and give the same message as Dr Graham, and yet he wouldn’t attract the same attendance or the same attention. Why do they listen to Dr Graham? Because he has a wealth of experience; he has weight.

This kind of experience only comes our way through constant exposure to challenges. Without challenge, we don’t grow. Without struggle, we don’t gain strength. Without pain, we don’t progress.

You’re responsible for your own prosperity, no-one else’s

If you want progress in your life, you’ve got to pay attention to your growth. You see, growth is a process, not an event. “Yes, but I went to one seminar years ago and it changed my life,” someone may say. There is always going to be much more to it than that. A seminar might get you kick-started, but it’s how you proceed from that start that really makes the difference. People will sometimes come up to me and ask, “What’s the one book I need to read?” Again, one book or one CD can be enough to get you started, but lasting change is an ongoing process.

Prosperity is a process. Some people win lotto and within a few years all the money is gone. Why? Because their wealth was the result of an event, not a process. They never learned how to be prosperous. They never developed a millionaire mindset. They suddenly found they had a lot of money, but there was no process of growth to learn how to handle wealth. We all need to grow—in our relationships, in what we believe, in what we know, in knowing what we are capable of doing, and in our understanding of ourselves. (It has taken me 45 years just to start to understand myself, and I still haven’t got it totally figured out!)

It’s important to understand that you are responsible for your own growth and development, but not anyone else’s. Sometimes we can tend to think the changes that need to happen in our world depend on people around us changing. I’m sure you can think of a few people you would love to change! You may have heard the story of the man who came home drunk night after night, causing his wife all kinds of grief and disruption. Finally this wonderful, patient woman had had enough. In her frustration, she decided to do something about it. She went to a costume shop and hired a red devil suit and a pitchfork. She decided she would try to scare him into changing his drunken ways. When he arrived home late that night, drunk as usual, she jumped out in front of him screaming and holding the pitchfork in front of him. Her husband merely glanced at her and said, “You don’t scare me—I married your sister!”

Growth mostly happens by choice, not by coercion

Generally speaking, bribes and threats—carrots and sticks—do not motivate us to grow. Growth mostly happens by choice, not by coercion. Prosperity comes by choice, not by chance. Fear, threats and bribes might motivate you for a while, but they won’t have long-term effects. Growth requires focus. It is determined by what you surround yourself with and what you feed into your mental, spiritual and emotional bank account. Merely desiring growth is not enough; there has to be change. Growth equals change and change equals growth.

Prosperity comes by choice, not by chance.

Many people don’t grow in life. These people always have the same problems. For them, nothing ever changes or progresses. A man once came up to me and said, “Pat Mesiti, I’m sick of all your happy claptrap stuff.” His wife was standing behind him looking embarrassed. He continued, “I’ve had 20 years of experience. What could you know that I don’t?”

I said to him, “Sir, you haven’t had 20 years of experience, you’ve had one experience over and over for 20 years. And as a result you’re miserable, you’re tight, and you’re poor.”

His wife was standing behind him cheering me on! You see, he had never grown. He just kept doing the same thing year in and year out and nothing ever changed. His life was like a treadmill—he was walking through life, but he wasn’t going anywhere. Some people never graduate from the kindergarten of life. Their wealth never grows because their mindsets stay small and limited.

Here’s an example of something very practical you can do to help your personal growth, to help develop your millionaire mindset: Next time you go out to a restaurant for dinner, go to one that’s just a bit nicer than the kind of restaurant you would normally go to. And when you go to that nice restaurant, don’t look down at the menu and say to your spouse, “Honey, get the chicken. It’s the cheapest thing on the menu.” I recently came home from a trip and my wife, Andrea, picked me up from the airport. I told her to book any restaurant she liked for dinner that night (what was I thinking!). Needless to say, it turned out to be an expensive night, but it was a great night!

When you buy your wife flowers and there is a choice between a $15 bunch of roses that looks okay and a $40 bunch that looks beautiful, don’t think to yourself, Well, she won’t know that I bought her the cheaper bunch. She may not know it, but you will! Every now and then you should try on a millionaire mindset for size. Go on—I dare you! You never know, you might find it fits better than you think!

Growth has nothing to do with your age, it’s all about your desire for success. Age does not determine your growth, input does. The prosperous person grows into his or her prosperity. Build your life in increments. When you’ve worked out what you want, start moving your life towards it. One change makes way for the next change, creating the opportunity for you to grow.

Your growth is determined by a number of factors. Here are three things that I believe will help you grow in order to attain greater prosperity:

Emotional implantation—You need someone in your life who will encourage you and help you to see what you can’t see and what can be done.

Repetition—Develop growth habits.

Discomfort—This is the real determining factor. Discomfort will cause you to grow. For your muscles to grow, they must experience a level of discomfort. You will learn more in adversity than you will ever learn when things are going well. It is what you believe and how you act in your worst moment that determines what you really believe and who you really are.

• CHALLENGE: Pay attention to your growth

Become pregnant with growth, because eventually you will give birth to new things. Here are 10 ‘As’ of personal growth—10 straightforward and simple strategies that can help you move beyond average growth into exponential growth, wealth creation and prosperity.

• ANALYSE. Growth starts by analyzing exactly where you are right now. Analyze your current situation. Where are you now? Are you in a place of contentment or are you hungry for something more? If you go to a doctor and she gives you a wrong diagnosis (analysis), you won’t be able to treat the problem effectively. It’s the same when it comes to personal growth.
• AIM. Set your sights on where you want to be. Most people run their lives on the principle of ‘ready, fire, aim’. To move ahead, you need to aim correctly before you shoot. Many people shoot at anything—they have no specific target. Instead of taking aim, they randomly fire away, putting bullet holes in walls. Then they take a crayon and draw a target around one of the bullet holes and call it a bullseye. That is not a bullseye; it’s a whole lot of bull!
• ADJUST. Be ready to make adjustments as you go. If you find you are not heading in the direction you want to be going—or if you are not experiencing the kind of growth you are hoping for—then you must change direction now. There’s a story about a large battleship that was ploughing through heavy seas with low visibility when it received an urgent message: “Adjust your course. You are heading for a collision.” The captain of the ship sent a stern reply: “I know exactly where I am heading. Adjust your course!” The voice came back over the radio, “Adjust your course. Danger is imminent!” The captain grabbed the microphone: “If you want to avoid a collision, adjust your course! I am a battleship!” Back came one final cool reply: “If you want to avoid a collision, adjust your course. I am a lighthouse!” If you are heading in a direction that is not leading you into growth, be flexible, learn how to swallow your pride, and adjust your course!
• ALIGN. Align yourself with the right people. Align yourself with people who will stretch you and who can teach you; people who will challenge your thinking, your mindset and your motivation. Align yourself with people who will change your perception of things and who have already been where you want to go. If you are earning $100,000 a year, hang around people earning a million dollars a year. If you are a millionaire, hang around billionaires.
• AFFIRM. Affirmation is important to growth. Affirm your dream. Affirm your core beliefs. Affirm yourself. Affirm others.
• ANTICIPATE. Anticipate growth. Anticipate productivity. Remember, your mind and your wealth will go in the direction of your focus. Your life will follow your focus. If you anticipate opportunity, prosperity and growth, then that’s what you’ll get.
• APPLY. Apply truths and apply what you really believe. Apply what you know. I recall the story of a French tightrope walker named Blondin who, to the amazement of a large crowd gathered at the top of Niagara Falls, succeeded in walking a tightrope suspended across the huge thundering waterfall. On his way back across the falls, the people clapped and cheered, “Blondin! Blondin! Blondin!” He asked the crowd if they believed he could do it again. They cheered louder and they clapped harder. Then he asked if anyone was prepared to sit in a wheelbarrow and let him wheel them across the rope. The crowd fell silent. Everyone believed, but no one wanted to apply their belief! You need to apply and practice what you believe to achieve personal growth.
• ADOPT. Adopt the right habits. They will help you grow into the person you want to be.
• ABANDON. Abandon bad habits, abandon negativity, abandon bad relationships and abandon old mindsets so that you can replace the old with the new.
• ACCELERATE. Put your foot down and accelerate your growth. Growth is forward motion. To grow, we have to accelerate and move forward. Accelerate beyond difficulties, excuses, what the market is telling you, and accelerate towards your future growth.