1.2.1.16 The power of decision making

Some years ago a young man in my drug rehabilitation centre stormed through my door very angry about his lot in life. He was feeling very sorry for himself. In fact, he was having a very deep pity party all by himself. He looked at me frustrated and said, “Pat, I didn’t ask to be born!”

I calmed him down and said, “Brett, you are absolutely right. You didn’t choose to be born, but you can choose how you live. Some of the troubles you have been through were not your fault, but how you respond is your choice and that will make all the difference in the world.”

There are some things in life you don’t get to decide on. Your birthday, for example. Like Brett, you may say, “I didn’t ask to be born!” Generally speaking, we don’t get to decide how or when we die either. But we have a lot of choice about what happens in between those two events. We can choose how we live. Without a doubt, there are things that happen to us in life that are beyond the power of our decisions. Some people are abused or treated badly by their parents or other people in their lives. I’ve met young men whose lives have been totally devastated because their fathers had committed suicide when they were young boys. Did these young guys choose that? No. But while we may not have any power of decision over how people hurt us, abuse us, desert us or let us down, we do have the power to choose to move on from these experiences and not allow them to rule our lives. These are the choices we need to make. A millionaire mindset is a mindset that decides that the circumstances of the past life will not necessarily determine our future.

A poverty mindset thinks like this: “Life just happens to me. This is my lot in life and I just have to live with it.” A millionaire mindset thinks like this: “Well, that may have been my lot in life, but I’m going to create a different world for myself.” You need to decide to create your future. The greatest ability you have as a human being is the ability to choose, to decide. You and I must decide to take charge of our lives.

Choices are easy if you know what you value

How do we make decisions? Simple: we choose and we refuse. We choose the things that are good for us and we refuse the things that are not good for us. When you get married, you choose the person you are marrying and you refuse all others (if you know what’s good for you!). We choose according to what we value. What do you value? If you know what you value, your choices are easy.

A little while ago, I was staying in a hotel in Auckland, New Zealand, and I was sitting having dinner on my own. I’m no great stud (I’m more like a garden gnome on steroids), but as I was sitting there in my suit having dinner, a rather attractive woman came up to me. Now, I have dinner with people all the time, whether male or female. I’m not particularly paranoid about this as a rule. But there are exceptions to the rule. I feel comfortable with most people, but some give me a kind of vibe or an inner warning. This woman was in the latter camp. She asked me if I was staying in the hotel.

“Yes, I am,” I said.

“Are you dining alone?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Can I join you for dinner?”

I changed my reply. “No,” I said.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because I’m having dinner on my own, as you just asked me,” I politely explained.

She seemed somewhat taken aback at my refusal. “Let me get this straight,” she said. “You don’t want me to have dinner with you?”

I said, “There’s nothing I’d like more than to have dinner with you. However, I’ve actually met you before.”

She was surprised. “No, you haven’t,” she said.

“Yes, I have,” I replied.

She started trying to place me, trying to remember where we may have met. “Well, what do you do for a living?” she asked.

“I’m a speaker,” I replied.

“Was I at a conference you were speaking at?” she asked.

At this point, I didn’t answer her question directly. “I even know your name,” I told her.

“You know my name? What’s my name then?” she asked.

“Trouble,” I replied.

She laughed appreciatively. “That’s very funny. So can I have dinner with you?”

“No!”

Now, I could have had dinner with her and it wouldn’t have been wrong, but it wouldn’t have been appropriate. Why? Because the vibe she was giving me told me she would be trouble. I value my wife and my marriage. I made a decision based not on the circumstances of my immediate situation, but on the basis of values and priorities that I have predetermined and on which I maintain my focus. We all make mistakes from time to time, but we need to make decisions that are based on what we value. Again let me ask you: What do you value? Figure out what’s important to you, stay focused on it, and make your decisions accordingly.

Your decisions will either strengthen or weaken your focus. What you focus on will progress. Progress is a result of a concentrated effort in the right direction. Progress happens by choice, not by chance. We choose to keep moving ahead by the decisions we make. Neglect requires no effort, no energy and no decision. Actually, it does involve a decision: the decision not to make a decision.

Our choices determine our destiny

Our decisions make up our lives. Our choices determine our destiny. Our decisions should come out of our focus. You decide what you want and you focus on it. Then you continue to make decisions in keeping with your focus. Wrong decisions are a result of wrong input due to a lack of focus or a lack of clarity. Decision-making is all about taking responsibility for the direction of our lives.

The opposite of this is blame—trying to shift responsibility for whatever is not happening for us onto someone or something else. People who are constantly looking to blame someone or something else for the things that are wrong in their lives are actually only undermining what they are trying to build. We all have a tendency to do it at times. It’s a basic tactic for avoiding responsibility. The reality is, however, that blame is never an effective strategy for progress. You never feel better just because you’ve shifted responsibility through blame. Blame chips away at what is valuable. It actually results in dishonor and fragmentation of what you are trying to build.

Wrong decisions are a result of wrong input due to a lack of focus or a lack of clarity.

So how do you learn to make right decisions? For a start, you need to learn to value the right things. We must make decisions based on an understanding of what is of value. In the absence of an understanding of value, you will always argue cost. A kilogram of rocks and a kilogram of diamonds weigh the same. Of course, diamonds are of much more value. But if you have no understanding of the relative value of rocks and diamonds, how would you know which to choose?

There is a direct relationship between what you value and how you spend your money. I was once in a bookstore with a friend buying a cookbook. (Being Italian, cooking is one of my passions.) I was at the sales desk paying for the book and it registered at $129.95. My friend couldn’t believe the price.

“How could you spend $129.95 on a cook book?” he asked me incredulously.

I looked at him and said, “The guy who wrote this book has been a chef for 27 years. How much money do you think 27 years of experience is worth? Where else can you buy 27 years of experience for $129.95?”

As far as I was concerned, being able to buy the benefits of 27 years of cooking experience for only $129.95 was an absolute bargain! This particular book represented real value to me, so I was willing to pay the price asked in order to progress my own culinary ability. My friend saw no such value, so for him the book cost too much.

Your heart is where your treasure is

How you spend your money determines what you value. If I value my time, I will spend money on things that will free up my time. If I value money, I will use my money to make more money. If I value my health, I will spend money on things like a gym membership and healthy food. If I value family, I will spend money on great holidays and other activities that create a happy family life. If I value my wife, I’ll spend money on flowers, restaurants and gifts. As one of the world’s great leaders once said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Once you determine what is valuable—what is a priority and what is irreplaceable in your life—you will make decisions accordingly. You’ll even be prepared to take significant risks if it means pursuing something of value. In the book Locking Arms, Stu Webber relates a great story that illustrates this point. It’s about two soldiers—Jim and Bill—who served together in the trenches during World War I and the deep friendship that developed between these two buddies serving together in the mud and the misery of that wretched conflict. Month after month they were stuck in a stalemate situation, pinned down in the cold and the mud of the trenches under constant fire. Every now and then, under orders from remote commands, one side or the other would rise out of the trenches and throw their bodies against the opposing line only to crawl back to the trenches to bury their dead, lick their wounds and wait until they had to do it all over again. In the midst of all this hopelessness and misery, Jim and Bill forged a strong bond. Day after day, night after night, terror after terror, they talked about their lives, their families and their hopes for the future.

Do your values drive your decision-making?

On one of these fruitless charges, Jim fell, severely wounded, while Bill made it back to the relative safety of the trenches. Jim lay suffering in ‘no man’s land’ between the trenches, alone beneath the night flares. The shelling continued. The danger was at its peak. Bill was determined to reach his friend to rescue him from his awful predicament, but the commanding officer refused to let Bill leave the trench—it was simply too dangerous. While the CO’s back was turned, however, Bill went over the top. Ignoring the smell of cordite in the air, the concussion of incoming rounds, and the pounding in his chest, Bill made it to Jim and somehow managed to get him back to the safety of the trenches. But it was too late—by the time Bill got him back, his friend was dead.

One self-righteous officer, seeing Jim’s body, cynically asked Bill if it had been worth the risk. Bill’s response was without hesitation: “Yes, Sir, it was,” he said. “My friend’s last words made it more than worth it. When I got to him, he looked up at me and said, ‘I knew you’d come.’” Bill had made a decision based on what he valued, no matter what the risk.

CHALLENGE: Decide to be decisive

Are you prepared to make decisions based on what you value, no matter what the risk? What are the things that you really value? Do your values drive your decision-making? Do you have a clear sense of being in control of your life? Or do you let other people and circumstances make your decisions for you? Having a millionaire mindset means being a decisive person. Take charge of your world today—decide to decide.