1.2.1.17 Association equals assimilation

The great Olympic pole vaulter, Bob Richards, once said, “There is greatness all around you—welcome it! It is easy to be great when you get around great people.”

To develop a millionaire mindset, you’re going to need some help. (Presumably, you already know that, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this book!) You need role models in all areas of your life: career, business, character, family, wealth—in everything that matters. There’s an ancient proverb that says, “He who walks with the wise shall be wise.” If you want to move ahead in life, you need to connect yourself to people who’ve done what you want to do, who’ve forged paths to prosperity that you can follow.

The company we keep can make or break us. As the saying goes, “If you want to fly with the eagles, don’t hang out with the turkeys.” When champion boxer Mike Tyson had Cus D’Amato as his coach, he was in a good place. He wasn’t doing destructive things like hanging around gang members and thugs. He was living well and making healthy progress in life. Cus D’Amato did three key things for Mike Tyson: He helped him find a sense of belonging by taking him into his family, he helped him believe in himself, and he helped him to become something extraordinary.

You become like those with whom you associate

If you want to increase and prosper in life, then you need to give attention to your associations. Many of the lessons I’ve learned about relationships have come out of the great relationships I’ve had. Dr Rob Thompson from Chicago has been a great mentor to me in this area. I’ve learned a few things about associations from him. First, those who are closest to me will determine the outcome of my life. It’s not what you know so much as who you know. The associations you embrace will determine both the consequences and the rewards of your life.

The second thing I’ve learned is that those who cannot increase you will eventually decrease you. You must be careful to choose people around you who will increase you. My friend who helped me buy a tie I wanted for an extra $10 added something to my life.

The third lesson about relationships is that whatever you make happen for others, others will make happen for you. In your associations and relationships, never make the pleasurable people of today pay for the painful people of yesterday. For example, if someone rips you off in a business deal, you may say, “I’ll never trust anybody ever again! I’ll never invest with anybody again! People have always ripped me off!” If an honest person then comes along and presents you with an investment opportunity or wants to share a business opportunity with you, you will most likely turn them down. If you are still living in the painful memory of the past, you will treat the pleasurable person of today with contempt. My friend, that is a recipe for a relationship disaster. You have got to ask yourself, Who am I hanging around with? Where have they got me going? What do they have me reading? What do they have me believing? What have they got me feeling? You see, our relationships are an important part of our life. That’s why it is critical that you manage your relationships well.

I love connecting people. Recently I was speaking to a friend of mine about someone I had just met. “Bill, I’d like you to make some time for my friend, Brian,” I told him enthusiastically. “He’s in an outstanding man.”

“Pat, how do you know he’s an outstanding man?” Bill asked me. “You spent only 30 minutes with him over a brief lunch.”

“I know him by the associations he keeps,” I responded. I knew that a good man does not have bad associations.

One of the key factors in associations is that every relationship will either feed a strength or a weakness in you. If you hang around people who feed you a negative, poverty mentality, then run. You’ve got to spend time with people who feed your strengths. Hang around people who will build an empire in your mind.

In your associations, never care for other people’s problems more than they care about their own problems. Many times people come to us and want us to solve their problems, and yet they don’t really care about their problems themselves. What a tragedy that some people constantly rescue others to make themselves feel good, and yet they have totally wasted their time because the person they helped does not really care. If you want to build prosperity, work with people who care for their problems and issues and are willing to work with you.

In your own life, what you respect will move towards you and what you disrespect will move away from you. If you have a good relationship with money and respect it, it will move towards you. If you respect people with influence and honor, they will move towards you. If you disrespect them, whether it’s your government or your leader or your employer, they will move away from you. Your association with them will determine the level of your prosperity.

One of the greatest keys to prosperity is to add value to people. In your relationships, be the one who is the bringer to the relationship. Bring wisdom, bring insight, bring your time, bring your commitment… because if you do, your life will prosper. As my great friend Dr Rob Thompson once said, “The prophecy of your future lies in the relationships of today.”

My father used to say to me, “Tell me who you walk with and I’ll tell you who you’ll become.” Who are you hanging around with? If you are hanging around with small-minded, negative, complaining people, then you’ll become like them. If you hang around positive, big thinking, ‘can do’ people, you’ll become like them.

Everybody needs three kinds of relationships:

• People we look up to and follow—mentors, coaches and role models.
• Peers with whom we can share our lives and to whom we can talk about deep issues.
• People who are following us.

This is not about levels of superiority or inferiority; it’s just a matter of different kinds of relationships and how they work. We need to get our philosophy of life from the first group, not the third group. You don’t go to your kids for advice on how to raise them. The people you look up to are particularly important because they represent what you want to become and what you want to grow into. Many people don’t have anyone in their lives like that.

The company we keep can make or break us.

I’ve been fortunate enough in my life to have had personal input from some of the great prosperity thinkers of our time—people like Zig Ziglar, Robert Kiyosaki, Denis Waitley, Brian Tracy and Stephen Covey, to name a few. How would you like that? Then do what I do. Get them in your car. And if you like something they say, push the rewind button and listen to it again!

When Mike Tyson was taking his direction from his coach, Cus D’Amato, all was well with him. He became the world’s youngest heavyweight boxing champion. But when his level 2 and level 3 associations (described above) began to dictate his lifestyle and thought patterns, things went downhill. Who is influencing your thinking? Who are you allowing to speak into your world? Who’s your coach? Who are your role models? Who are the people you are allowing to influence the way you think?

When it comes to advice, go up!

Understand that if a person doesn’t receive your words, they really shouldn’t qualify for your time. Perhaps you have chased others for words of wisdom, but if you don’t listen to them and take their advice on board, why should you qualify for one of the most precious commodities they have—their time?

So many people get wrong advice from wrong people. You’ve got to watch where you get your advice from. Some people offer advice when it has not been solicited. I rarely give people advice when they have not asked for it. If people ask me for my advice, that indicates to me that they are somewhat interested in hearing what I have to say. Second, I am also careful not to offer advice to people with whom I don’t have a relationship. Again, if I have a relationship with them, then I have some confidence that they will heed my advice. However, if I have a relationship with you and you were to ask me for my advice, if you don’t take my advice and things go belly-up for you, then why should I continue giving you my advice?

I was asked by a company in the United Kingdom to speak to the entire sales force at their opening to launch their business in Australia. They had brought their team over to Australia as a part of their rewards program. I was delighted and accepted their offer. Fantastic! I thought. The Brits have a great sense of humor. I’ll be in for a very, very interesting night! And I was!

The evening arrived and there were about 200 people in the room. But before I got up to speak, the man who owned the company came up to me, noticed I had a lot of books and CD teaching packs with me, and said, “Gosh, all this material for sale… You must be making some money!”

He looked at me and said it in such a sarcastic way that I turned to him and said, “You know what? That’s exactly what your company needs! A broke speaker to address the sales team!” My point was this: A speaker teaches primarily from his knowledge and his own experience. Without experience, he can’t teach others! I like to practice what I preach.

When I finished speaking that evening, a man walked up to me, looked at me in a rather condescending way, and said, “May I offer you some advice?” This gentleman didn’t give me an opportunity to answer, because he went on to give me his advice: “Your speaking mannerisms are not what we Brits are used to. So I would suggest you tone it down and change your style when you next speak to us.” Now, I understand that there are some people who don’t like my speaking style. That’s okay—they don’t have to like it, because that’s my style and I’m very comfortable with that. I then asked this gentleman, “Have you ever spoken in public before?”

“No,” he answered. But he now considered himself an expert in public speaking!

Next I asked him, “Are you willing to enter into a long-term relationship with me to help me grow?”

“No,” he answered again. You see, he simply wanted to offer me some immediate constructive criticism and then walk away.

The third thing that concerned me was this: I never asked him for his advice. This man proceeded to constructively criticize me without me asking for his advice.

My friend, if you are going to enjoy a prosperous life, get your advice from the right people. If you are a mentor to other people, never offer advice that is unsolicited. The moral of the story is this: Some people have a flourishing business, but they own a poverty mindset. The owner of this British company had a great business—he was earning $100,000 a month—but he had a poverty mindset. I believe anyone can develop a prosperity mindset. People often ask me whether I think anyone is born a leader. My answer is, “No, we’re all born babies!” Leadership is a learned art. Success is learned. Prosperity is learned. That’s why we need teachers—people who stretch our thinking and help us grow. One of my close personal friends, a man who has helped me greatly in my life, is an owner of one of the largest tea and coffee franchises in Australia. In times of difficulty in my life he would repeatedly say to me, “Stand tall, Pat! Stand tall!” His encouragement and support have been critical to me at times. This is the kind of person you want as a friend—someone who will encourage you to think bigger, who will challenge you to grow, and who will believe in you.

Your associations make you

Your associations build you. Your associations make you. As the great African-American track star Wilma Rudolph once said, “No matter what great things you accomplish, somebody helps you.” No matter how successful we become, we will always need other people to help us continue to progress. Even Tiger Woods spends time with a coach every day. Every level of success will bring you into higher associations. To get to a higher level of association, you sometimes have to stretch your comfort zone. Sometimes we can be afraid of going to another level because it might mean losing current associations and friends. The fact is, every new level of success will always bring us into a new level of relationships and associations.

Your associations build you. Your associations make you.

Some time ago, I had the privilege of meeting the Prime Minister of Australia. I was attending a function with a whole lot of other people, including a number of my own friends and acquaintances. When I arrived, I found that I had been seated at a table with the Prime Minister and some other special guests. My friends were all seated at another table in another room. I have to admit, I felt uncomfortable meeting the Prime Minister. I was more comfortable with the status quo of being with people I knew. But I had to understand that to meet the Prime Minister, someone who operates at a higher level of leadership, influence and power, was an opportunity to be grasped. I knew I had to stretch myself to go outside my comfort zone. Once I decided to flow with the opportunity, it actually turned out to be a most enjoyable experience.

CHALLENGE: Build connections to people who believe in you

Think about the people in your own world and identify who is important to you. Who are your mentors and role models? Who are your most important peers—the people you can share your life with and who will support you, encourage you and believe in you? If you find that you are lacking meaningful associations, start identifying some people today who you think you need to get closer to and take whatever steps are necessary to build your connections with them.